he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I fill condoms, not promises.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
