You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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