if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
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It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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