Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
