well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
this just has baby written all over it
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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