Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
