So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
