Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
