you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
