If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
