nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
