Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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