I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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