Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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