And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
