Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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