He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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