He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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