Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
