worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
