We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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