i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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