GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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