I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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