how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
