I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize