how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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