Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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