My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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