He had one of those small greek statue penises
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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