well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I want to fling myself into the sun
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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