So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
