I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..