Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
23 People Confess Why They Donâ€™t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.