At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house