it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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