remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
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Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
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Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office