Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
