can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
