How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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