everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
