My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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