I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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