it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
ok first of all what the fuck
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
