I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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