Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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