so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
