He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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