he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
