I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
