Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
