my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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