as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
