wrigley field is MILF paradise
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
