I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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