If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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