Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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