God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
