Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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