after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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