New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
