we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
