I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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