I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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