Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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