i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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