I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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