I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
