my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dignity is for republicans.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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