Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Randomize
