Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The best revenge is premature balding
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
