He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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