He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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