i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
