marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just want to make out with him forever
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
