i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
