he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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