She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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