a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
