OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
