Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
