I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
