do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
