He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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