i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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