my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
