Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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