i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
